My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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