Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i will never coherently bang her
I am midnight drunk by noon
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
