Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
