just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
