im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize