I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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