i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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