Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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