i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
