I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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