I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
