We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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