i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
