Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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