the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
