I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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