So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
