dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
