too bad you live with your parents still
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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