ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
