I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Less talking, more tequila
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
