Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
