She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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