He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
