He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize