The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
