Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
