you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize