perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
