I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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