I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't deserve a penis
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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