just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
