dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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