Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
