he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
