i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize