I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
