Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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