you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize