i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
