You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
