i think my tv is drunk
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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