Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize