This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
