You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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