dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
