Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
