True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The adults are the big ones right?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
