i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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