Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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