I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
