So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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