I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
