who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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