So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
