we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize