Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
