Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
