Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
