dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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