So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
