you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
