someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize