Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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