it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
