I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
