I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize