DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
