i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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