Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
