Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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