my mouth tastes like poor choices
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
