Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
