if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
