i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
