I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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